Phone Call...

So tonight I received the phone call that I knew would be coming at some point, but really really was hoping I wouldn't..

Tonight I picked up the phone from an unfamiliar number and it was my son...

He's so homesick it broke my heart...

He said he wants to come home, he said he feels he cant do this...

As much as I wanted to jump in my car and go get him and bring him home and just love on him, I told him he could do this...  I told him how proud I was and that this is going to be the best decision he could make in his life...  There is nothing for him here except low paying factory jobs and fast food.   He tried the college life and it just wasn't something he could handle, for him it was all about the partying and girls.

How do I help him when I can't even write him yet, we don't get a physical address for him until hes halfway through bootcamp?

Hearing his voice tonight and hearing him cry broke my heart...  and I know it will get better in time, but hes only in reception, he doesnt even start bootcamp for another week...  :(

First night of no communication....

and I'm a little sad...

I know, I'm extremely lucky, hes been gone six days, and I have gotten to hear from him every night while he has been at reception, and I know many others haven't heard from their soldiers except a quick 2-3 minutes letting them know they arrived safely... He called me last night to let me know that some of the guys in his group were just horse playing around and it went to far, so the group was told to call their families and tell them they have lost phone privileges now until they earn them back in boot camp... could be a few weeks... So in that short call, I packed all the I love yous, prayers and I'm proud of yous that I could get in...

But today is the first day in the 19 and 1/2 years of his life that I have not gotten a phone call or a text just saying hi mom, or I love you...

Nothing...  I guess I need to change my thinking to No news is good news....

But right now, Im going to just lay here and email my MOMs prayer group ladies back and try to relax and think positive and happy thoughts for my soldier!  This is the first of many nights I wont hear from him, but I know hes safe!

Phone Calls....

So far I have been getting to talk to Zach daily while he was in reception before bootcamp, he usually calls around 845pm or so.  I was getting broke into him being gone slowly, and we knew the time would come when there would be no more phone calls, but last night while we were at a wedding, I got the call I didn't want to hear for a few more days..

"Mom, I love you, this is probably the last call for a few weeks.  Some of the guys got in a fight in the barracks, so we are losing cell phone privilages in about two minutes...."

So after some last minute, rushed I love yous and hugs and kisses... I got to tell him that no matter what he thought, that my heart was with him and he was always in my thoughts and I loved him more than he knew.   and with that he said...  Mom its time, they are collecting phones, I love you ....  

then he pulled the bandaid off quick and hung up....

I could hear the tears in his voice, but I know it will now he will be ok....

Sharing some pictures.. :)

So this is his locker, I really thought it would be a little neater, but for Zach this is a 100000% improvement over what he had his stuff like here  :)  lol   

WOW, I thought his hair was short before, love the army look!

WOW, my own soldier, looking so handsome!

Mom's Prayer for her Son

I Give To You, My Son-
I held him as an infant; I hugged him as a boy
and through the years he has become my greatest pride and joy.

I love him more than I can say, 
his life more precious than my own,
but gone are the whims and notions of the little boy that I had known.


For the years have passed so quickly since the time it all began
and now he stands before me with the conviction of a man.


He wants to serve his country, he states aloud with pride
as I try to sort out the emotions that I'm feeling deep inside...

a union of the uncertain fear, which I cannot control
and the allegiance which lies deep within my patriotic soul.


I trust that my years of guidance will serve as a strong foundation
as he performs the duties requested from his beloved nation.


God please guide him as he travels to the places our soldiers have bled
and walk with him through pathways where those heroes' feet have tread.


Oh Sweet Land of Liberty, humbly I give to you, my son
praying you'll return him safely home when his work for you is done.



---Author unknown---

Phone Calls

I feel so blessed that Zach has been able to call every night since he has been there.  While he is in reception we are able to talk to him...

Yet I am frustrated as all get out that he is so distracted with everything going on that in the five minutes he gets to talk to us he is distracted by everything and talks to everyone else in the room with him...   I want to grab his shoulders and yell at him "TALK TO ME AND IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE"...   I am so hungry for every word he says.  

I find myself laying here all day just staring at the phone waiting for him to call and tell me everything he did.   I dont ever let my phone out of sight.   He says next Wednesday his bootcamp starts and he will be unable to talk then.   Oh Lord, I hope I am more adjusted by then, Im getting better, but still just would rather lay here and cry than go out and do anything else....

Wish there were some more moms in the area that I could talk with, only know one so far.   Hoping more come out of the woodwork soon.

Blah

Today I just laid in bed and cried, haven't showered, don't really care.   I have looked at all his scrapbooks and re-read all his papers, ect.  

He was able to call again tonight.   I had been afraid to leave or do anything all day for fear of missing his call, but tonight he called again.   He seemed so preoccupied, it was frustrating to try and talk and get him to tell me about his day, because he was talking to everyone and getting things done.  He said that he has his first overnight patrol tonight, he is kind of excited and also he said he got busted sleeping standing up in formation and the sgt just tapped him and laughed and said that was a first.

Tomorrow I have to make myself get out of bed...   I have to do something to get out of this funk...

What an amazing night....

So around dinner tonight, I received a phone call from Zach.  It was short and it was mostly him telling me he love me and that he was safe and I  felt so utterly peaceful it was beyond amazing...

Then...

Around 9, he called and we actually got to talk for about 20 minutes.

He has a new haircut  :)  he has his uniforms and other new fashion items.

He spent the day learning how to make a bed correctly, and how to clean to Army standards.   He said hes filled out more papers than ever in his life and he actually said the food isn't too bad.   He hasn't been to bed yet, they kept them up all night, but he said he has met some great guys already, but feels he is the only one from smalltown USA.   He even met some guys from Puerto Rico.  :)

He said lights out was at 11, but he was so tired he was going to bed now and they are waking them up at 4 am.

Again, I am going to bed a Proud Army Mom, but tonight, I feel a little less sadness at my loss, because I know that the Army gained a GREAT young man.

<3  :)

First day...

Today I have been a bundle of emotions...  Im fine one minute and the next I just want to curl up and cry.

I know he is in a safe place, I know that he will do this.  I know that this is an honor and he is in the right place, but the mommy in me worries about everything...

Did he know where to go?
Did he eat when he was supposed to?
Does he have enough money?
Will he be the one in trouble?
Will he do what is expected?

I am so scared, I am so wishing I could just hear his voice one more time!

Officially a Proud Army Mom

As I lay here in bed tonight I am such a bundle of emotions.   

I am the most proud Mom in the world tonight of my Son, but I am also so selfishly heartbroken that he is gone.   

Watching him swear in today was among my proudest moments as a mom!   My son is among the elite, in the 0.07% of all Americans, he is now in the Military and is now training to defend our rights and freedoms!   My son grew up in front of my eyes today.

He is now gone, he has left the state and has taken his first flight by himself., and is now sleeping safely at his army base..his new home... 

The first night of the rest of his life, his new beginning, his fresh start...  :)

Man I love my son!

I am a Very Proud Army Mom (that is going to work on stopping these tears that keep flowing)

The time has come...

it is time....

leaving the hotel to go to MEPS to send him off....

so proud of him, excited to him start his new life...

going to try to keep the tears to a minimum!

Last Night ....

Today I watched him say goodbye to his brothers and sisters....

I was heartbroken for them all, especially Nico... his little heart just seemed dropped on the spot with his big brother, his idol...  gone!   No amount of consoling quieted those tears... Caileigh cried, but I dont think she quite gets it... and JJ, I know hes keeping it in, but he is the one I will worry the most about.   Hes my internalist.

We have left he kids at home and are at the hotel with Zach.  We ate dinner and did some talking.   He gave me his Jordans for safe keeping, he has no idea how I will cherish just seeing them and his boots!   Tomorrow morning he goes to his final MEPS and then he flys out...

I will watch him be sworn  in, then hes off...

Flying out to start his new life!

I am so selfishly sad, but Oh so proud!

Tonight I will sleep knowing that I at least get one more hug for a few months!  :)

I love you fatboy, and I am so proud of you!

Today is the day he walks out of the house and belongs to the Army....

In just an hour, he heads out for his delivery to beginning of the processsing...

He is headed out to Cleveland, his ceremony is tomorrow and then he flies out...

I am so proud of him, yet feeling the empty hole already...

Today is hard, tomorrow will be harder....

T - 36 hours....

Less than two days and he's gone....

I find myself getting angry that he is really going to do this...   I wish he would just stay my little boy!   Everyone keeps telling me to just be proud and be happy for him... they all tell me what a great choice hes made in life and I agree!   I do, but right now, I am so not wanting him to go!  

Hes been with his friends the last two days...  I am mad at that too!   I wish he would just be here with us!   I wish we were all just laying around and watching tv and playing games, watching movies, ect!  

Hes promised me tomorrow is for us alone.   We are planning on turning off all phones, computers and tvs!   Tomorrow we are planning on ordering pizza and playing games...

Just the 6 of us...

for the last time...

maybe the last time forever....

I am not ready for him to go....

Information on packages???

why am I finding it so hard to find out what I am allowed to send in care packages to bootcamp?   seems like there should be a website letting me know what I can and cant send and when...

Wednesday Activities....

Getting things done around here and finishing up some things for the day... making my lists and doing some writing.  Going to finish the jounal book I was writing to Zach and debating on sending it with him now, or waiting and mailing later... Am writing some notes for his duffel bag for the airplane and whatnot...  Wishing I could find info on what he can take with him now and what is allowable to send later...

Care packages during boot camp... Ideas???  

Also, can they take pictures with him?  Is there a limit???

My last Tuesday with him home...

Spent the day doing normal things around the house and getting things done and ready for the weekend.   Planning a weekend of things to do "one last time".  Torn with the whole being happy for him and excited for his life and yet feeling a tremendous tug at my heart with "cutting the cord" and letting him go. 

I'm doing the best I can to not be sad this week.   I keep trying to think positive.  Every tear that forms, I tell  myself it will be the last until Monday when he leaves...

I can do this... 

I am new to this...

I am new to blogging, and I am new to Army life.  I have been searching for information on how I, as a mom, and supposed to best support my Son as he leaves for Boot Camp.   I have spent much time looking for support groups and  have found many that cater to Military Spouses and the Soldiers family with him, but am totally at a loss for what me as a Mom at home is able to do. 

My son leaves in 5 days.  My oldest son.  My son that I have sheltered though life.  I feel as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest.  In the 19 1/2 years hes been on this earth I have spoke to him daily and on the very rare occasion that I haven't spoken to him, I have gotten a text, even a simple "ily" late at night.  I find myself looking at him now and taking pictures of him like I am never going to see him again.  While I am filled with Pride about this choice he made, my heart is breaking into a million pieces over him leaving. 

I find myself crying and walking around like he is dying or doing something harmful.  I have days where I am in bed just crying and thinking of all the things I should have done while I still was able to hold him close.   I am doing my best to smile and not let him see this side of me.  One of my biggest fears is he will see the pain I am in and then be thinking of that while he is gone.

Basic is going to be hell on him.  Hes excited at what is to come.  He has been working hard on his PT and has spent hours talking to people about what to expect so he can be prepared.   I on the other hand have been trying to find out what my role is...  I thought it was to write him, but most sites I do find say it will be 3+ weeks before they even have an address for me to write him...  I even read that I won't be able to speak to him for weeks and then only 5 minutes. 

Is anyone out there feeling as alone in this as I am?  Anyone know of sites for us Military Moms that are not Military Spouses?  What websites are legitimate ones that have legitimate information on them for us?