Torn...

Got a phone call last night... not looking good for my son.   I dont know all the details, but he said they are looking at an entry level seperation (ELS).    I am so upset and dissapointed.   I wish he could jsut move units...  :(

Ups and downs...

I know my job is to be supportive while he is away at Basic, but wow, I cannot begin to tell you the roller coaster my son has me on...  everyday its another thing...  ups and downs...  Im talking wayyyyyyy beyond the normal stuff...

today i even got a one sentence note that he was moved platoons... no explanation, just moved!  

with all the info he has told me about him being in trouble with the DS and such Im so confused... dont know if i am mad or if i am sad...

Facebook Group

Well a friend of mine and I made a facebook group for mothers of children serving in the military!

If you are a mother of a son or daughter currently serving in the military please feel free to check us out:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/306880212736964/

Love...

WOW, my baby really is growing up...

Well, he is finally getting mail from me, I am so happy, he was thinking we were ignoring him.

In his letters back now he has told me that he loves me and that he is also in love with his girlfriend.  I love this girl, she and her family are very good people and she has been in his life off and on for years.   I could not be happier.  He asked for information on rings and such.

I could not be happier, but I also told him he needs to slow it up some.   He and her just got back together two weeks before he left for boot camp.  I printed off information on promise rings and how people do them and what they mean.  I would be honored to have this young lady a part of our family.

I cannot believe that my young man has grown up to the point he loves the Army life, loves what he is doing and now is feeling that he wants to set up his life and future family!  She came over last night and it was so hard not to spill the beans.  :)

What he has been up to this week...

There is a photography company that follows the different companies around and I was lucky enough to get a few pics of my favorite soldier!

I know he has got to be hot with all that on and even gloves  

How tempting would it be to just drop in and cool off!  lol

I know he had to fave fun with this one...

I am so thankful for these little pics.   We are so lucky that his DS keep us updated daily with what the guys are doing.  I have been able to daily see what hes doing and just that peace of mind is beyond describable.  

Memorial Day

As bad as this sounds, I never really thought about the meaning of Memorial Day until now.   Now that I have a soldier of my own, it really jumped out at me at the sacrifice that the soldiers and their families have made.

I am watching the pictures that the drill sargeants put up and I am so filled with pride for what the boys are learning and how they are progressing.   I am honored at how my son is now a part of the elite men that made the choice to defend our country and our rights and freedoms!

:(

Feeling so alone...

Just one of those days.  Hubby and I have been fighting for weeks now, and today I just wish my boy would call or write!  Missing him horribly!

Been writing him letters and letters and yes, getting quick letters back, but feeling really selfish because all his friends are messaging me that he is writing them too, and I am like why cant mine be longer, lol...  must be getting close to that time of the month, Im either crying or angry, no inbetween!

Who would have thought...

...  I am actually doing OK with everything!  :)   I have found his FB group page so I am getting little updates as to what he is doing, I have an address so I am able to mail him letters...  

Im actually settled into a little routine and able to relax now and know he is well...

Well.. actually, yesterday they did the gas chamber, LOL   I cant wait to hear all about it!  lol

Followers Please...

OK, one more post for the night...   I have 4 whole followers...

I would love to have more women interacting with me...

I am looking for:

* Women
* Moms
* Military Family (I am a mom of a soldier, but I want Military friends if that makes sense)  i want to support my son and any future wife when that happens by at least understanding and having some great friends!
* open minded people, I am not into being lectured, nor will I ever lecture when my opinion differs from anyone

I have tried to search for blogs but Im not figuring this out very well....

Cari
Mom to 4, married (I guess when he feels like it that is) for 15 years

Future Spouses...

My son does not have a girlfriend and is not at a point in his life that he is ready for one...

but I just pray daily that he finds someone that is understanding, supportive and strong enough to handle this life he has chosen.

Reading some military wives/moms blogs I have met some amazing women and I pray that he is lucky enough to find one of these women!

As much as I miss my son, I am excited for him to get settled in his new life and to allow god to place a great lady in his life that will support him and allow him to love her.   This army life is harder than I ever imagined on families.  I guess I never had reason before to look into it much, but now I have met some amazing women and wow, the sacrafice that the women go through also is a tremendous undertaking!

Im excited for Zach, excited for the life he has, and am ready to support him (and her and my grandchildren) when he finds the right woman...  just praying he finds one of the awesome ones like I have "met" on here!  :)

2 days...

Ok, I know I am being whiney mom, I know I need to cut the cord...

But I gave birth to my son 19 3/4 year ago and in all that time, I talked to my son every day of his life...  He has been in Bootcamp for 2 days now and I just feel empty.  I have been writing and journaling, but I like seriously just keep looking at my phone waiting for it to ring or a text to go off!

I know he is safe.   I know he is being pushed.   I know he is doing something so totally amazing!  I know that he is making lifelong friends, I know hes hating things and I can picture his smile and how he is loving things.

But selfishly I am missing my baby boy!  

Finally Bootcamp...

Well, yesterday he finally got started in the boot camp process.   I am so happy that they are finally out of reception.  His best friend from home is with him and in the same unit.   I am so happy for them both....

I have it pictured as being like summer camp  :)  well, except for the yelling and such, but still, I am ready for some fun stories after!!!

Ive heard from Zach everyday (even the ones he wasnt supposed to talk, I still got letters) but now the three week of silence starts...   I can do this.   Im finally at peace and ready for this to start.   Excited for everything that is going to happen.   Ready for the packet with his address!!  :)

I have read so many army wives blogs.   I cannot wait for him to find the woman that god has for him and one that will support zach and be strong enough to be ok while he is away, ect.   The women that I read are so strong and organized and family dedicated....  ready for his life part 2!

Proudest Day!

One of the Proudest moments of my life.  My son swearing into the Army!  He changed instantly before my eyes!  

My last Hug before he left for bootcamp!

Saying goodbye to their big bro!

Oh ya, she is missing her brother!!!!

And hes off!  Saying goodbye to my little boy and they will return him a man!   

Letters...

When sending letters to your soldiers...  Do you only tell them the good things?   Do you let them know EVERYTHING or just the positive stuff.   I am stuck with wanting to keep him informed, but also not wanting to upset him on things...  Like is sending him 10 happy things and one sad ok?

I know, weird question...

Remember, most of you are military pros, and I am very very new to this...
 
As always thank  you!

2 weeks...

wow, its been two weeks now since he left...

he is still in reception, but hopefully fingers crossed, boot camp will start on Wednesday...

wow, two weeks since i have seen my baby  :(

Finally a happy call...

Tonight when he called he was so happy, I could hear in his voice that today was a good day.  he was joking with the guys in his group and just really laughing and being the happy kid I loved watching grow up  :)

Hope there are some more of these calls in the near future!  :)

Medical...

Without going into too much detail...

Having a hard time today and really praying...  got a phone call from Zach and he has some medical issues going on.   They took him to the hospital last night ans he was there several hours and had some testing done and meds, and on Monday they are doing more tests... hes scared and also now worried he may not be able to start bootcamp as planned on Weds, he does not want to be in reception any longer...  

I know he is 19, but the thought of him being far away from me and then add to the fact this is the first time he has ever been to a dr without me, and the fact he called me and hes scared and wants me...  lets just say that no matter how old they get they are always our baby...

Homesick....

I knew this experience would be hard on me, but I wasn't prepared how homesick my soldier would be.   hes doubting himself and really wanting to just come back...

Please anyone that prays, keep Zach in them and pray for some comfort for him!

Some Bible verses for Zach and I

A lady friend from my MOMS group sent these to me:


Dear Lord we pray these Your very words over Cari's son, Zach.  Please hear them and help Zach & Cari.....In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

Rise up and help Zach, redeem him because of Your unfailing love.  Psalm 44:26
God is within Zach, he will not fall; God will help him at break of day.  Psalm 46:5
The Lord will stand at Zach's side and give him strength.  2 Timothy 4:17
Zach can do all things thro Christ who pours His strength into him.  Philippians 4:13
May the favor of the Lord our God, rest upon Zach.  Psalm 90:17
Strengthen Zach and help him; uphold him with your righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10
Sustain Zach according to Your promise...do not let his hopes be dashed.  Psalm 119:116
Zach always prays, he doesn't faint, quit, or give up.  Luke 18:1
My God will deliver Zach from all his fears.  Psalm 34:4
Zach will call upon God in the day of trouble; He will deliver him and Zach will honor God.  Psalm 50:15
When Zach is afraid he will trust in God.  Psalm 56:3

The Lord gives strength to Cari, the Lord blesses Cari with peace.  (Ps 29:11)

Letters....

Been writing letters and waiting to receive his address so we can mail them out...  I have gotten 4 from him, but nothing from the commander (or whatever his title is) with the address to reply...

How long does it normally take to get the address after they leave for Boot Camp?

Army Mom???

WOW, I thought the whole work at home mom and stay at home mom debate could get hairy and cause lots of hurt feelings...  but last night I was on one of the army mom support forums, and talk about a mom of a military son getting attacked.  WOW

I have been saying for the last few months that I was surprised at the lack of online support groups for Moms with children in the military, but now I know why...

OK, I get that an Army Mom could mean 1.  The mother of a child that is in the Army or 2. The wife of a soldier and has children.

I know that I for one was told at MEPS when we went to watch our son  swear in that I was now an army mom (and this was by the USO office), I was given information on a website of army moms (the type that have children in military), I had a lady give me a blue star mom pin, I was referred to as an army mom there... but according to this lady on one site (and the majority of women on that site and others) I shouldnt be calling myself an army mom, I am just the uterus that gave birth to a child who joined the military and the "label" army mom should be reserved for his future wife only.... and any mother with a child in the military that calls herself an Army Mom will most likely be an overbearing mother in law that has issues with lettting her children grow up...    

Seriously, have I done something against military etiquette by calling myself an Army Mom?   I think both definitions of Army Mom should be ok and should be used by both types of women.... Am I wrong?

Sleepless...

So of course after the phone call last night, I did not get any sleep.

Did I do the right thing?   Can he do this?

I kept the smile in my voice, I supported him, but did I do the right thing?  Ive never heard that tone before in his voice, I have never heard him that heartbroken...

I am trying to keep the faith that things will get better and that this is normal, but I cant get this pain that I am feeling for him to ease up....

Phone Call...

So tonight I received the phone call that I knew would be coming at some point, but really really was hoping I wouldn't..

Tonight I picked up the phone from an unfamiliar number and it was my son...

He's so homesick it broke my heart...

He said he wants to come home, he said he feels he cant do this...

As much as I wanted to jump in my car and go get him and bring him home and just love on him, I told him he could do this...  I told him how proud I was and that this is going to be the best decision he could make in his life...  There is nothing for him here except low paying factory jobs and fast food.   He tried the college life and it just wasn't something he could handle, for him it was all about the partying and girls.

How do I help him when I can't even write him yet, we don't get a physical address for him until hes halfway through bootcamp?

Hearing his voice tonight and hearing him cry broke my heart...  and I know it will get better in time, but hes only in reception, he doesnt even start bootcamp for another week...  :(

First night of no communication....

and I'm a little sad...

I know, I'm extremely lucky, hes been gone six days, and I have gotten to hear from him every night while he has been at reception, and I know many others haven't heard from their soldiers except a quick 2-3 minutes letting them know they arrived safely... He called me last night to let me know that some of the guys in his group were just horse playing around and it went to far, so the group was told to call their families and tell them they have lost phone privileges now until they earn them back in boot camp... could be a few weeks... So in that short call, I packed all the I love yous, prayers and I'm proud of yous that I could get in...

But today is the first day in the 19 and 1/2 years of his life that I have not gotten a phone call or a text just saying hi mom, or I love you...

Nothing...  I guess I need to change my thinking to No news is good news....

But right now, Im going to just lay here and email my MOMs prayer group ladies back and try to relax and think positive and happy thoughts for my soldier!  This is the first of many nights I wont hear from him, but I know hes safe!

Phone Calls....

So far I have been getting to talk to Zach daily while he was in reception before bootcamp, he usually calls around 845pm or so.  I was getting broke into him being gone slowly, and we knew the time would come when there would be no more phone calls, but last night while we were at a wedding, I got the call I didn't want to hear for a few more days..

"Mom, I love you, this is probably the last call for a few weeks.  Some of the guys got in a fight in the barracks, so we are losing cell phone privilages in about two minutes...."

So after some last minute, rushed I love yous and hugs and kisses... I got to tell him that no matter what he thought, that my heart was with him and he was always in my thoughts and I loved him more than he knew.   and with that he said...  Mom its time, they are collecting phones, I love you ....  

then he pulled the bandaid off quick and hung up....

I could hear the tears in his voice, but I know it will now he will be ok....

Sharing some pictures.. :)

So this is his locker, I really thought it would be a little neater, but for Zach this is a 100000% improvement over what he had his stuff like here  :)  lol   

WOW, I thought his hair was short before, love the army look!

WOW, my own soldier, looking so handsome!

Mom's Prayer for her Son

I Give To You, My Son-
I held him as an infant; I hugged him as a boy
and through the years he has become my greatest pride and joy.

I love him more than I can say, 
his life more precious than my own,
but gone are the whims and notions of the little boy that I had known.


For the years have passed so quickly since the time it all began
and now he stands before me with the conviction of a man.


He wants to serve his country, he states aloud with pride
as I try to sort out the emotions that I'm feeling deep inside...

a union of the uncertain fear, which I cannot control
and the allegiance which lies deep within my patriotic soul.


I trust that my years of guidance will serve as a strong foundation
as he performs the duties requested from his beloved nation.


God please guide him as he travels to the places our soldiers have bled
and walk with him through pathways where those heroes' feet have tread.


Oh Sweet Land of Liberty, humbly I give to you, my son
praying you'll return him safely home when his work for you is done.



---Author unknown---

Phone Calls

I feel so blessed that Zach has been able to call every night since he has been there.  While he is in reception we are able to talk to him...

Yet I am frustrated as all get out that he is so distracted with everything going on that in the five minutes he gets to talk to us he is distracted by everything and talks to everyone else in the room with him...   I want to grab his shoulders and yell at him "TALK TO ME AND IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE"...   I am so hungry for every word he says.  

I find myself laying here all day just staring at the phone waiting for him to call and tell me everything he did.   I dont ever let my phone out of sight.   He says next Wednesday his bootcamp starts and he will be unable to talk then.   Oh Lord, I hope I am more adjusted by then, Im getting better, but still just would rather lay here and cry than go out and do anything else....

Wish there were some more moms in the area that I could talk with, only know one so far.   Hoping more come out of the woodwork soon.

Blah

Today I just laid in bed and cried, haven't showered, don't really care.   I have looked at all his scrapbooks and re-read all his papers, ect.  

He was able to call again tonight.   I had been afraid to leave or do anything all day for fear of missing his call, but tonight he called again.   He seemed so preoccupied, it was frustrating to try and talk and get him to tell me about his day, because he was talking to everyone and getting things done.  He said that he has his first overnight patrol tonight, he is kind of excited and also he said he got busted sleeping standing up in formation and the sgt just tapped him and laughed and said that was a first.

Tomorrow I have to make myself get out of bed...   I have to do something to get out of this funk...

What an amazing night....

So around dinner tonight, I received a phone call from Zach.  It was short and it was mostly him telling me he love me and that he was safe and I  felt so utterly peaceful it was beyond amazing...

Then...

Around 9, he called and we actually got to talk for about 20 minutes.

He has a new haircut  :)  he has his uniforms and other new fashion items.

He spent the day learning how to make a bed correctly, and how to clean to Army standards.   He said hes filled out more papers than ever in his life and he actually said the food isn't too bad.   He hasn't been to bed yet, they kept them up all night, but he said he has met some great guys already, but feels he is the only one from smalltown USA.   He even met some guys from Puerto Rico.  :)

He said lights out was at 11, but he was so tired he was going to bed now and they are waking them up at 4 am.

Again, I am going to bed a Proud Army Mom, but tonight, I feel a little less sadness at my loss, because I know that the Army gained a GREAT young man.

<3  :)

First day...

Today I have been a bundle of emotions...  Im fine one minute and the next I just want to curl up and cry.

I know he is in a safe place, I know that he will do this.  I know that this is an honor and he is in the right place, but the mommy in me worries about everything...

Did he know where to go?
Did he eat when he was supposed to?
Does he have enough money?
Will he be the one in trouble?
Will he do what is expected?

I am so scared, I am so wishing I could just hear his voice one more time!

Officially a Proud Army Mom

As I lay here in bed tonight I am such a bundle of emotions.   

I am the most proud Mom in the world tonight of my Son, but I am also so selfishly heartbroken that he is gone.   

Watching him swear in today was among my proudest moments as a mom!   My son is among the elite, in the 0.07% of all Americans, he is now in the Military and is now training to defend our rights and freedoms!   My son grew up in front of my eyes today.

He is now gone, he has left the state and has taken his first flight by himself., and is now sleeping safely at his army base..his new home... 

The first night of the rest of his life, his new beginning, his fresh start...  :)

Man I love my son!

I am a Very Proud Army Mom (that is going to work on stopping these tears that keep flowing)

The time has come...

it is time....

leaving the hotel to go to MEPS to send him off....

so proud of him, excited to him start his new life...

going to try to keep the tears to a minimum!

Last Night ....

Today I watched him say goodbye to his brothers and sisters....

I was heartbroken for them all, especially Nico... his little heart just seemed dropped on the spot with his big brother, his idol...  gone!   No amount of consoling quieted those tears... Caileigh cried, but I dont think she quite gets it... and JJ, I know hes keeping it in, but he is the one I will worry the most about.   Hes my internalist.

We have left he kids at home and are at the hotel with Zach.  We ate dinner and did some talking.   He gave me his Jordans for safe keeping, he has no idea how I will cherish just seeing them and his boots!   Tomorrow morning he goes to his final MEPS and then he flys out...

I will watch him be sworn  in, then hes off...

Flying out to start his new life!

I am so selfishly sad, but Oh so proud!

Tonight I will sleep knowing that I at least get one more hug for a few months!  :)

I love you fatboy, and I am so proud of you!

Today is the day he walks out of the house and belongs to the Army....

In just an hour, he heads out for his delivery to beginning of the processsing...

He is headed out to Cleveland, his ceremony is tomorrow and then he flies out...

I am so proud of him, yet feeling the empty hole already...

Today is hard, tomorrow will be harder....

T - 36 hours....

Less than two days and he's gone....

I find myself getting angry that he is really going to do this...   I wish he would just stay my little boy!   Everyone keeps telling me to just be proud and be happy for him... they all tell me what a great choice hes made in life and I agree!   I do, but right now, I am so not wanting him to go!  

Hes been with his friends the last two days...  I am mad at that too!   I wish he would just be here with us!   I wish we were all just laying around and watching tv and playing games, watching movies, ect!  

Hes promised me tomorrow is for us alone.   We are planning on turning off all phones, computers and tvs!   Tomorrow we are planning on ordering pizza and playing games...

Just the 6 of us...

for the last time...

maybe the last time forever....

I am not ready for him to go....

Information on packages???

why am I finding it so hard to find out what I am allowed to send in care packages to bootcamp?   seems like there should be a website letting me know what I can and cant send and when...

Wednesday Activities....

Getting things done around here and finishing up some things for the day... making my lists and doing some writing.  Going to finish the jounal book I was writing to Zach and debating on sending it with him now, or waiting and mailing later... Am writing some notes for his duffel bag for the airplane and whatnot...  Wishing I could find info on what he can take with him now and what is allowable to send later...

Care packages during boot camp... Ideas???  

Also, can they take pictures with him?  Is there a limit???

My last Tuesday with him home...

Spent the day doing normal things around the house and getting things done and ready for the weekend.   Planning a weekend of things to do "one last time".  Torn with the whole being happy for him and excited for his life and yet feeling a tremendous tug at my heart with "cutting the cord" and letting him go. 

I'm doing the best I can to not be sad this week.   I keep trying to think positive.  Every tear that forms, I tell  myself it will be the last until Monday when he leaves...

I can do this... 

I am new to this...

I am new to blogging, and I am new to Army life.  I have been searching for information on how I, as a mom, and supposed to best support my Son as he leaves for Boot Camp.   I have spent much time looking for support groups and  have found many that cater to Military Spouses and the Soldiers family with him, but am totally at a loss for what me as a Mom at home is able to do. 

My son leaves in 5 days.  My oldest son.  My son that I have sheltered though life.  I feel as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest.  In the 19 1/2 years hes been on this earth I have spoke to him daily and on the very rare occasion that I haven't spoken to him, I have gotten a text, even a simple "ily" late at night.  I find myself looking at him now and taking pictures of him like I am never going to see him again.  While I am filled with Pride about this choice he made, my heart is breaking into a million pieces over him leaving. 

I find myself crying and walking around like he is dying or doing something harmful.  I have days where I am in bed just crying and thinking of all the things I should have done while I still was able to hold him close.   I am doing my best to smile and not let him see this side of me.  One of my biggest fears is he will see the pain I am in and then be thinking of that while he is gone.

Basic is going to be hell on him.  Hes excited at what is to come.  He has been working hard on his PT and has spent hours talking to people about what to expect so he can be prepared.   I on the other hand have been trying to find out what my role is...  I thought it was to write him, but most sites I do find say it will be 3+ weeks before they even have an address for me to write him...  I even read that I won't be able to speak to him for weeks and then only 5 minutes. 

Is anyone out there feeling as alone in this as I am?  Anyone know of sites for us Military Moms that are not Military Spouses?  What websites are legitimate ones that have legitimate information on them for us?